About a month ago, Jessica of Makeunder My Life wrote a post entitled, Things I am Afraid To Tell You.Yesterday, many bloggers, led by Ez of Creature Comforts wrote posts about what they are afraid to tell you. I felt a strong urge to follow suit.
I do not share many personal details on my website. I use it mainly for work, creative and design related items. However, since having my baby, I have been on a journey of self exploration and I feel the truth can help me break some of my barriers. So, I leave you this Friday with my own list of things I am afraid to tell you. ps just the idea of doing this makes me cringe, but that is the point right?!
Make sure to visit the other participating bloggers. It has been a nice reminder that no one is perfect and everyone has something they are working on.
SO HERE WE GO:
- I wish I had perfect skin. I do not have horrible skin by any means, but my skin breaks out every now and again and it sends me hiding for days. I sometimes wonder if I would be a different person had I had a perfect complexion.
- My skin broke out so bad while I was pregnant {hormones}, that I went through a mini depression, there are not many pictures of me being pregnant, and barely any with my new baby at the hospital when she was born. I can never get those moments back.
- My self esteem is a work in progress. I can be very shy at times and a bully {protecting my weak self esteem} other times. I am not afraid of confrontation and I can hand out a severe tongue lashing. I am not proud of this part of myself. I hate bullies. My new mantra is "I am not my body. I am soul and my body is merely a vessel. I want my soul to overcome my body." Puts a lot of things quickly into perspective.
- I am just now learning how to be friends with women. My past experiences always left me disappointed, feeling more self conscience, and betrayed. Now that I am a mom, I crave women for their companionship, empathy and motherly advice.
- I am 34 years old and suffered from depression for about 15 years. I did not know that until I contemplated suicide in Chicago a few years back and landed in therapy. I just thought I was "wired" that way. I have since beat depression through some serious hard work, moving back to Indiana, family support, no medication and a ton of exercise. Everyone's journey is different.
- I had two very unpleasant full time design jobs in Chicago. They made me doubt every aspect of myself as a designer and basic human being. They fueled my depression. It took me a long time to realize that some people are just bad eggs. I have never regret making the switch to freelance. Every single one of my freelance clients has been amazing! In some small way, they saved me.
- I believe in God, but just recently {within the past week} came to fully understand what that means.
- I used to worry/be fearful/try to control everything. Now, I fully understand that the past is dead and gone and it does not define me and worrying robs/changes my future. Now I try very hard to live in the present moment.
- I don't miss being online/social media that much. I choose living my life as opposed to reading about other peoples' lives. Sometimes Twitter feels like listening in on the popular girls gossip in the lunchroom.
- I did not enjoy the "newborn" phase of having a baby. However, once she smiled, all was right with my world.
- I don't feel the need to share too much information about baby G. She is ours and I am doing all I can to protect her privacy. The internet is forever and I do not need her future boss watching her take a bath online as a 4 month old because her mother thought it was cute.
- I am a very guarded person. I am working on opening up, gratitude, spirituality and loving others. It is hard for me because I can be super shy, but so far it has already opened small doors in every direction. Hopefully this post will be yet another catalyst.
Thanks everyone for listening with open ears and an open heart. The truth will set us free! Happy weekend!
{image credit Creature Comforts}
